It's not Obsession

... it's Dedication

August 8th, 2009

Radiation is just like a sunburn, he says. In my mouth... and throat. For two months.

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So, yesterday was my radiation 'meet & greet' or whatever. What a trip.

  • First off, turns out that, during my big surgery, they took out one of my teeth. Um... yeah.

  • Secondly, I get to (note that I'm saying 'get to' instead of 'have to'... it's all in the mindset, baby) go do this fun radiation thing every. day. for six weeks. :D OH BOY.

  • Third, they're going to mold a hard plastic mesh mask specifically to my face and shoulders that they will screw down to the table to hold me in place... every day for six weeks. It'll look like this:


    (this is not me)

    My sister, ever helpful, called it 'Jigsaw's puzzle', which - in no way - sent me into a panic, ohmygod. It's all I'll be able to think of now.




    ... um, yeah. Doctor was a hoot. He liked mine, Lani and Cher's antics.
  • July 30th, 2009

    UPDATE - What a day

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  • She attempted to remove the stitches from the graft in my arm. As soon as she started clipping? Blood, everywhere... um. Yeah. She kept going, I stopped watching. I'm supposed to keep it open more and keep up antibiotics. :-/

  • I apparently had stitches in my TEETH. Both to um, hold my teeth in (?!) and to keep my tongue down. I guess if I moved my tongue too much, I could have pulled out my teeth or something. ANYWAY, those came out... and um, yeah. If I'd have known they were there, I would have been a little freaked. Gives me the heebies thinking about it.

  • My feeding tube is okay, just my abdominal wall catching up, I guess.

  • I ate mashed potatoes :D Go me. (I couldn't taste them without the gravy, but I ate them!)

    EDIT: If you'd like to see what my arm looks like, or did before she had at it, you can see a photo of it [HERE]. Please understand that it was taken with my sister's cellphone and it's not a pretty photo. It shows where a circle of arm was taken to put in mouth to reconstruct my tongue. No blood. They then covered my arm with skin from my thigh. If you're super squeamish, don't look. If you look, don't complain.

    :D
  • July 24th, 2009

    Love her or hate her...

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    This song is serious touching for me at the moment:


    The struggles I'm facing,
    The chances I'm taking
    Sometimes might knock me down but
    No, I'm not breaking
    I may not know it
    But these are the moments that
    I'm going to remember most yeah
    Just got to keep going
    And I, I got to be strong
    Just keep pushing on, cause

    There's always going to be another mountain
    I'm always going to want to make it move
    Always going to be an uphill battle,
    Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
    Ain't about how fast I get there,
    Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
    It's the climb


    July 21st, 2009

    [UPDATE]

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    So, today was my follow-up appointment:

    - got my trach tube out
    --- the hole in my throat should apparently close from the inside out over the next three or four days.

    - apparently there was a small tube near my feeding tube that was growing into my stomach and the nurse had to CLIP it out. Um, ow. OW.

    - she took off most of the dressing on my skin graft on my thigh. It's all... hot pink.

    - my arm is doing fine and I can start exposing it to the air when I'm sure that it won't get bumped.
    --- aka: when Jack isn't around and I'm just watching TV.

    It was a productive trip. I can drink clear liquids. Hopefully when I go back next week, I'll graduate to MILKSHAKES.

    Go me.

    June 15th, 2009

    [UPDATE] ... I feel like I'm whining

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    My sister and I both got on the scale tonight.

    Two pounds separated us. The size 20's she gave me don't fit me anymore... they're too big.

    I officially can't eat anything actual anymore. Today I a jello cup and half a yogurt along with four bites of macaroni.

    *sighs*

    It's depressing. Really, truly, actually depressing.

    June 11th, 2009

    [SICK] Blah blah cancer blah

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    Had my surgery yesterday.

    Diagnosis? Cancer.

    The long story )

    I'm heavily medicated. And I have the best friends in the world.
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