It's not Obsession

[Random] Someone asked me how I kept my sense of humor during this whole 'cancer mess'...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:28:55 GMT

And I told them, "Because I would rather hemorrhage in a pool of starving sharks than let cancer get the better of me."

sighs

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:26:32 GMT

There's just no easy way to say it.

I love you all and I'm so blessed to have you in my life. I honestly don't know what I would have done without all of you to keep my spirits up (and in some cases *cough*Bobo&Rach*cough* physically take care of me) during the last few months.

Thank you.

So far, so good? Ish? Maybe... kinda

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:25:57 GMT

Actually, at 11:30pm on October 31, I changed the subject/plot/plan of my novel. And now... well, let's just say I hate it already.

But, we're pluggin' away.

NaNoWriMo 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:35:28 GMT

Tonight, it begins. This is something I've done every November since 2004. I do it with my BFFFFFF Lodi and she and I cheer and groan all through the month.

There will be numerous posts about bitching and whatnot...

ANYWAY, a rundown:

2004: Did not finish
2005: The Reluctant Queen
2006: A Forever Kind of Love
2007: The Day After the War was Terminated by Aliens Independently... Tomorrow [BUY HERE]
2008: Oops! Whodunit Again? [BUY HERE]

And this year? 2009: Dear Diary... Life Happened.

WISH ME LUCK! :D

[NaNo] Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, it's almost time

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 07:00:07 GMT

And no, nothing will stop me from winning this year, too. So there.

Well, fuck and damn and huh...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:26:46 GMT

SO.

No chemo for me. Why? Because I've lost 17 pounds in three weeks. Chew on that a second.

No chemo but more anti-nausea medication, more fluids, and more (MUCH more) pain medication.

OH, and I've apparently contracted thrush in my mouth. For real, this time. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

That's only amusing to me because thrush is what my cancer was at first. But not.

I quit.

Missing? Me? Psh.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:28:24 GMT

Was sick this weekend. Not like, cold/flu sick... that's the rest of the family. ALTHOUGH - I was informed that if I get THAT kind of sick, I get a hospital bed. :D YAY AND BOY WAS I ENTHUSED.

Anyway.

No, just radiation sick. And they say, 'they' being my radiation oncologist, that the radiation shouldn't be making me sick but I think, and my REGULAR oncologist agrees, that THEY are wrong. And my hair is coming out more. Urgh.

So, in the last two weeks? I've lost 11 pounds. I'm down to 172. I can't keep anything down. My mouth is all kinds of frakked up. I can't talk without gagging and I can't gag without throwing up.

I know it's selfish, but when I'm online I'm interested in writing one thing and that person knows who they are. *shrugs* With my online time so limited... well, that's the way it is.

I love you all, but this bites. I have two more radiation days left. I have one more chemo left. Between the two, I have TWO WEEKS of suckiness supposedly: being sick, having a sore mouth... yeah.

My taste buds will take six to eight MONTHS to come back, but whatev whatev. I can deal with that.

And now you're all caught up.

... OH. And I DID end up with that PICC line. FUN. Almost ended up with a heart attack, too. Check that bad boy out: [PICC].

SON OF A BI-

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:42:59 GMT

Yesterday, got told to go to the SCCA for fluids. Got there at 1:15, left at almost 8. That was two liters of liquid that I needed, plus saw the doctor, PLUS saw a dietitian.

Today? Radiation. Saw my doctor. Who said I need fluids EVERY DAY until my next chemo, which is next Tuesday.

Every day.

They had to stick me FIVE TIMES to find a vein for an IV last night. FIVE. FIVE TIMES. So the nurses at Valley want to do a central line or a PIC line. As it is, they stuck me twice and the IV I have at the moment, I have to keep until tomorrow. Just... hangin' out my arm.

I have no veins because I've lost eighty pounds and because of chemo and because I'm bruised all to fuck because of the constant STABBING.

I have five more radiations to do, one more chemo and THAT is going to make me sick as all hell and I JUST. WANT. TO. GET. OFF. THE. MERRY. GO. ROUND.

I got oxycodone last night, the BIG bottle and my radiation oncologist was all, "UM, I told them fentanyl... *scribble scribble*" So I got THOSE patches, too.

Guys? MY MOM had those. Those and some suckers. HOSHIT. If I put those on, it'll be like, "'Kay, Mo, see you next month."

Maybe this isn't a bad thing.

... could I have bitched or felt MORE sorry for myself? Don't answer that. *MEANFACE*

EDITED TO ADD: I post and this comes up: Tweak says, "Get Over It!" My humor is better. Aww, Tweak. ♥ LOL

Thank you, Mom, for making sure I saw good movies...

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 22:21:37 GMT

Over on ONTD on LJ, there was a post talking about classic movies. And this was said:

A survey suggests 58% of men and 38% of women lie about having seen classic films.

They go on to tell how to bluff your way through having not seen:

1) The Godfather
2) Taxi Driver
3) Gone with the Wind
4) It's a Wonderful Life
5) The Great Escape
6) Citizen Kane

WHY!? OMG WHY?! SEE. THESE. MOVIES.

And the COMMENTS. People having not seen these movies say things like, "And I never would. Looks so boring." People hating on The Godfather... I swear, not starting arguments was SO HARD.

Someone commented and said, "Some Like It Hot, North by Northwest, Bringing Up Baby, and The Maltese Falcon are my faves. Oh, and On The Waterfront. (Plus, you know, The Godfather.)"

I wanted to reach through the computer and hug them. :D

New Layout - Character based

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:00:37 GMT

scifijunkie is the one.

Of course.

Who else?

Rock on!

No, it's not ALL of them, but banners don't rotate. And still, it's gorg!

RP MEME - because I have nothing else going on...

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 06:33:34 GMT

Pick one (or two) of my characters and I'll tell you...

→ why I decided to play this character
→ my favorite scene or bit of interaction concerning this character to date
→ my favorite original aspect about this character (world-building for ocs or head-canon for fcs)
→ the last thing they did "off screen"
→ what their last words would be if they died tomorrow
→ what the next thing I'm doing for them is (narrative, post, shelving, whatever)

List [HERE] if you need it. Or, you know, anyone ever.

Update thing

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:41:00 GMT

Yesterday, my mom would have been 61.

Yesterday was the first day I was actually, physically sick to my stomach from the chemo. I mean, sick sick. Not just queasy, not just, "Oh, I hate this feeling" but sick sick. And yeah, I hate THAT feeling, too.

I sat in my recliner all day and watched movies with Cher and Kyle and Jack: Emma, Willow, GI Jane - all movies Mom would have watched. ♥

I miss my Mom.

I'm glad she doesn't get to see/know about MY cancer and at the same time, there are so many days I wanna curl up next to her and cry. Yesterday was one of those days.

My sister says I can't have the beanie that says, 'FUCK CANCER'...

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:16:31 GMT

So I like this istead: http://shop.crazysexylife.com/products/tshirtcscg

[NANO] The War After the Day... yadda so on so forth

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:23:38 GMT

Ya'll know the one. Vampire Zombies. The one RENDA bought and said hey, it scared her even.

But someone had BOUGHT it and I was all, 'OMG WHY?!'

Okay, so... I wore my NANO shirt to radiation the other day and my radiation tech was all, 'What's that?' and I told and then said, 'Yes, I've written a couple, four, books.'

One of them, Jen, went home and GOOGLED IT. And found it on AMAZON.

And BOUGHT IT. Because her husband LIKES zombies. And vampires.

She wants me to autograph it when it comes.

... I need to get that shit offa Amazon, stat.

Massive Update

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 05:24:47 GMT

HEALTH:

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd sit in a doctor's office and get yelled at for twenty minutes about how I needed to STOP losing weight.

I've lost another two and a half pounds over the last week. *shakes head* The nurse had at me first and then the doctor had at me. Ugh. ANYWAY. I can't HELP it. I can't physically eat anything anymore, so I don't know what they expect from me.

GAMES:

UTR: Activity check. Keeping everyone.

WIHH: Same ol', same ol'. OH, except Emily totally updated the WIHH!Wiki to show that Cora & Anakin are dating. It was cute. THEY'RE cute.

Let's Cruise: Ohhhhhh, LC. *sighs* How I'm gonna miss thee. Tsk. Claudia's heading off with Asher. Elle's heading off with Cai (and her thirty mil). Olivia's moving back to NY with Melissa. Yvonne's heading to the Olympics with Cole and then back to NY with him. Margo's gonna just... die. Leia's just going to be dropped, I think. Emma, well, I know she ended up happy with Max, but I don't know if I'm dropping her. And Brad's going with her boys - Jody & Ted. That really leaves Jen, who's only purpose is to aggravate her ex-husband.

I'll keep Yvonne, Emma and maybe Jen. For now. We'll see.

Brighid: ... Brighid really wishes she could just beat the ever-loving crap outta one James Audr. She wishes, just for a short time, that she could be a violent person. He makes her want to scream and throw things. I dunno.

THE FAM:

So the other day, Cher and Jenni went to Forks because they could. And she brought me back a car decal that says, 'Team Rosalie' on it because... well. It was for ME. :D So, it went on the Mo-Stang and I took photos and here they are:

_____________________________

And? It's getting COLD here. Seriously cold. Cher even tried to turn on the heater this morning. Eeesh. They said it was going to SNOW in the mountains, which I live twenty minutes from. Oh, man. It's almost October.

This year just flew.

And kinda sucked.

But? I have cool friends. I'm just saying. ♥ I love you all.

Saturday... eh.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:54:59 GMT

Radiation makes me feel gross on the weekends.

And my mouth tastes funny.

And? I fell asleep last night at like, 730 or 8 o'clock. It was ridic.

(This post brought to you by Bitching By Mo)

[VALENTINE'S DAY!] OMFG YAY YAY TRAILER DANCES

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:39:17 GMT

IDGAFUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So excited.

Yay!

asd;gasdgj;agj;a;gdjj;k Everyone I have ever loved (and some I don't, but who cares) is in this. :D

[Who needs a Phillies foul ball?] Young Phillies fan tosses dad's souvenir

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:15:04 GMT

From [here]...

PHILADELPHIA - September 16, 2009 (WPVI) -- During Phillies' Tuesday night sellout, a touching family moment turned into comic relief and a video that is drawing national attention.

A toddler from Laurel Springs, New Jersey, stole the hearts of baseball fans Tuesday night during the Phillies-Nationals game at Citizens Bank Park.

Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth was at bat when he hit a foul ball into the crowd behind home plate.

Steve Monforto leaned over the railing and made a beautiful 2-handed catch. He celebrates with other fans, high-fives his 3-year-old daughter, Emily, and hands his prize over to his little daughter to keep.

But instead of hanging on to it, Emily does what little kids do: She throws the ball back!

Her dad was shocked, he definitely wasn't expecting that. But instead of getting mad he wraps his arms around his daughter and hugs her, a sweet and priceless moment.

Apparently the girl was a little upset after the toss.

"I gave her a big hug and she buried her head in my chest and I said 'It's all right, don't worry about it," Steve said.

"I give [her] a ball at home, and she throws it and I throw it back," Steve continued. "So, I gave her a ball and she threw it!"

Mom watched it all unfold.

"I was just like, 'That's awesome' because he caught it, he was so excited," Kathleen Monforto said. "That's so cute, he's going to give it to Emily, she's going to love it... And she just tossed it!"

Kathleen says she tears up watching the reruns of that moment, which she says show what a great dad Steve is.

The Monfortos have another daughter, 15-month old Cecilia. Some are wondering if this one special moment at the ballpark might show to the world a different side to Philadelphia sports fans.

Meanwhile, the Phillies replaced the Monforto's ball right away.
____________________________

The video is so cute. Everyone gasps so she turns to her dad and he hugs her. It's SO adorable.

SOME PEOPLE ARE DIRTY DIRTY LIARS

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:01:08 GMT

ON FIRE.

That is all.

MEME

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:51:59 GMT

Ask me about a pairing/moresome I have written and I will give you five facts about them or a ficlet or a song that is CLEARLY THEIR SONG or what they order from the Chinese place down the street, etc. (if you can specify what you'd like to know, that'd be great).

What done did happened... ugh.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:40:51 GMT

So yesterday was a great big barrel of no-fun.

Got in the shower (as one is likely to do) before radiation, got out, tripped and pulled the tube outta my stomach. That, dear friends, required a trip to the UW and awake!surgery (though I was awake last time, too, come to think of it) while they put another one in. Took about 45 minutes.

'Awake' being a relative term because the amount of drugs and painkillers they put into me first? I was talking abouuuuuuuuut... oh, who knew what? And I dozed off anyway. That said? I could still feel it at one point and it FELT LIKE someone was punching a hole through the middle of my stomach. Again. The inside. With a hole-punch. A stubborn, dull one. And once the LOCAL anesthetics wore off? OHMYFUC- yeah. This is not fun and will not be something I'll be repeating. I'll just starve first, thanks.

And the drugs & painkillers made me sick all night. I'm such a lightweight.

OH! And my sister says I'm probably going to lose another 10 pounds because of it. LOL

Cisplatin: my chemo

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 04:30:10 GMT

My side effects:

Nephrotoxicity (kidney damage) is a major concern when cisplatin is given. The dose is reduced when the patient's creatinine clearance (a measure of renal function) is reduced. Adequate hydration and diuresis is used to prevent renal damage. The nephrotoxicity of platinum-class drugs seems to be related to reactive oxygen species and in animal models can be ameliorated by free radical scavenging agents (e.g., amifostine). This is a dose-limiting toxicity.

Neurotoxicity (nerve damage) can be anticipated by performing nerve conduction studies before and after treatment.

Nausea and vomiting: cisplatin is one of the most emetogenic chemotherapy agents, but this is managed with prophylactic antiemetics (ondansetron, granisetron, etc.) in combination with corticosteroids. Aprepitant combined with ondansetron and dexamethasone has been shown to be better for highly emetogenic chemotherapy than just ondansetron and dexamethasone.

Ototoxicity (hearing loss): unfortunately there is at present no effective treatment to prevent this side effect, which may be severe. Audiometric analysis may be necessary to assess the severity of ototoxicity. Other drugs (such as the aminoglycoside antibiotic class) may also cause ototoxicity, and the administration of this class of antibiotics in patients receiving cisplatin is generally avoided. The ototoxicity of both the aminoglycosides and cisplatin may be related to their ability to bind to melanin in the stria vascularis of the inner ear or the generation of reactive oxygen species.

==========================

For the record, they gave me the Aprepitant and the dexamethasone BEFORE my treatment, too. It's the Aprepitant that costs $584.80 for THREE FUCKING PILLS.

And I'm on an anti-nausea regimen for the rest of the week. It's RIDIC.

[MEME] Character Meme

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:07:33 GMT

Name a character (or two) and I'll tell you three (or more) facts about them from my own personal pseudo-canon.

[RP] Star Wars, WIHH, and when to talk about your parents (it's not when you're naked, btw)

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 05:47:15 GMT

While I was in the hospital, I watched Star Wars non-stop, courtesy of Lani. And then I was thinking of characters and she and I came up with an OC (Coralina Calrissian) together and even PB'd her with the perfect face.

When I got home, I put her in WIHH and all was well and things were fun and people (especially Gina, who plays Jacen Solo) played along.

So, Cora moved in with Jacen on a strictly platonic level and they're BFFFFFF's or whatever. His sister Jaina and his lil brother Anakin are there, too, and it's all great fun. Especially since everyone teases Jacen about never getting any. Or dating, even. :D So, Cora jumped on that bandwagon and made an obnoxious post, begging for someone to sleep with her roommate.

It was truly an obnoxious thing to do. His brother Anakin loved it and then asked Cora out. On a date. On the Anakin Solo, a ship that - in canon - is Jacen's flagship, but in game, is something he owns.

... and then (completely meta-ly and OOC) Jacen says that since Anakin [who goes by Naki] hates being called Ani, he'll give Cora anything she wants if she calls him Ani during The Sex.

So, (completely meta-ly and OOC) Cora mentions it to Naki who says he's going to ask Anakin SKYWALKER to ask Cora how she feels about HIM. And she says that's cheating. The following convo ensues.

-------

NAKI: If you call his name out in bed, I mean, clearly you need to confront your feelings toward him.
CORA: That's just wrong on SO many levels.
NAKI: I'm not the one calling out his name in bed.
CORA: That would be even MORE wrong.
NAKI: Yeah. Or an equivalent would be calling out your dad's name. *shudders*
CORA: ... I'm never having sex again. Ever.

-------

The conversation continued, he found out she was ticklish, he also teased her for dating a Solo... and she's still giddy over the fact that Jacen did, indeed, ask a girl out. GO JACEN! :D

OH, and by a completely interesting coinkydink? Anakin Solo and Coralina Calrissian? Look like this:

It's a CHERYL thing... and I share with love

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 17:15:37 GMT

So, last night, Cher was going to go to David's for dinner. I told her I'd watch Jack.

Off she goes to get ready and when I check on her again, she's so proud of herself, she says to me: Go on, stick your hands down here and feel it. It's TOTALLY smooth.

...

Ranks right up there with 'Smell my tampon' and 'Did you know that hair grows on the inside?'

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, sister.

(when I wouldn't FEEL it, she took great pride in SHOWING me.)