InsaneJournal

Current mood:

depressed

[Dec 12] ... every year


It's That Day again. Well, unless you're Lodi. Then it's ROCK ON time and Have a Dorito. I love Lodi.

________

So, Kyle was in bed and at 10:30pm, Cher went to bed and I stayed up on the internets and stuff and at midnight got a glass of milk for mom and then at 1:30am finally went to bed myself.

At 2am, she called for me. Not just, "Mary!" But actually screamed my name. And I was up and on the move before I realized that I was awake. I asked her what was wrong and she was sitting on the edge of the bed with her hand on her chest saying that maybe we needed to go to the hospital.

Now, this had happened once before and I am (and was then) pretty sure she'd had a heart attack. She was on a chemo medication for people with prostate/colon cancer. It wasn't really meant for her and it was a horrible, HORRIBLE medication and it raised her potassium. Well, when your potassium is too high, you're at risk for a heart attack. She was supposed to drink lots of water but my mom HATED water. So she'd only drink it right before they did a urine test and it'd be fine so they'd do the chemo. ANYWAY.

So, I called for Cher and told her that she was going to have to take mom to the hospital because Kyle had school in the morning. At this point, I figured she was up and talking and it was going to pass like the other one. I asked my mother if we needed to call 911 or if we were just going to drive and she said to just drive, but first she had to go to the bathroom.

She stood up and fell over.

We carried her to the couch and I had 911 on the phone and so I sat there, rocking her and she was holding on to me and Cher went out to the street because we lived on a complicated street for people to find our house and I could hear the paramedics on the way and I was holding/hugging and talking to my mom and talking to the 911 lady and then my mom took a deep breath and stopped breathing, so I laid her out on the couch and tried to do CPR.

I couldn't get her mouth to open, so it was more like baby CPR where you breath over their mouth AND nose and I did that and chest compressions and then the paramedics were there and they laid her out on the floor and... nothing.

They worked on her for an hour, right there in the living room. Then they laid her back on the couch and covered her with a blanket. The police checked her medications, wrote them all down, lined them up on the TV and left. The firemen left us with a chaplain and told us to call a funeral home. That was it.

They left us with my mother's body on the couch and left, just like that.

The funeral home came about an hour later and took her. Cher freaked. Then it was like, "Okay. Night." It was six o'clock in the morning. We'd kept the door open the entire time... I have a thing.

...

Lani was there. I called her, even before the paramedics left. She came over in like, ten minutes. She came with me later that morning to my mom's office to tell them. She was just there.

Two days later? We lost power for like, eight days. It was a pretty shitty week. And I never even invited Rachael or Meredith to the funeral. I pretty much sucked.

I miss my mom.