It's not Obsession

And I told them, "Because I would rather hemorrhage in a pool of starving sharks than let cancer get the better of me."

There's just no easy way to say it.

( Read more... )

Actually, at 11:30pm on October 31, I changed the subject/plot/plan of my novel. And now... well, let's just say I hate it already.



But, we're pluggin' away.

Tonight, it begins. This is something I've done every November since 2004. I do it with my BFFFFFF Lodi and she and I cheer and groan all through the month.

There will be numerous posts about bitching and whatnot...

ANYWAY, a rundown:

2004: Did not finish
2005: The Reluctant Queen
2006: A Forever Kind of Love
2007: The Day After the War was Terminated by Aliens Independently... Tomorrow [BUY HERE]
2008: Oops! Whodunit Again? [BUY HERE]

And this year? 2009: Dear Diary... Life Happened.

WISH ME LUCK! :D

And no, nothing will stop me from winning this year, too. So there.

SO.

No chemo for me. Why? Because I've lost 17 pounds in three weeks. Chew on that a second.

No chemo but more anti-nausea medication, more fluids, and more (MUCH more) pain medication.

OH, and I've apparently contracted thrush in my mouth. For real, this time. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

That's only amusing to me because thrush is what my cancer was at first. But not.

I quit.

Was sick this weekend. Not like, cold/flu sick... that's the rest of the family. ALTHOUGH - I was informed that if I get THAT kind of sick, I get a hospital bed. :D YAY AND BOY WAS I ENTHUSED.

Anyway.

No, just radiation sick. And they say, 'they' being my radiation oncologist, that the radiation shouldn't be making me sick but I think, and my REGULAR oncologist agrees, that THEY are wrong. And my hair is coming out more. Urgh.

So, in the last two weeks? I've lost 11 pounds. I'm down to 172. I can't keep anything down. My mouth is all kinds of frakked up. I can't talk without gagging and I can't gag without throwing up.

I know it's selfish, but when I'm online I'm interested in writing one thing and that person knows who they are. *shrugs* With my online time so limited... well, that's the way it is.

I love you all, but this bites. I have two more radiation days left. I have one more chemo left. Between the two, I have TWO WEEKS of suckiness supposedly: being sick, having a sore mouth... yeah.

My taste buds will take six to eight MONTHS to come back, but whatev whatev. I can deal with that.

And now you're all caught up.


... OH. And I DID end up with that PICC line. FUN. Almost ended up with a heart attack, too. Check that bad boy out: [PICC].

Yesterday, got told to go to the SCCA for fluids. Got there at 1:15, left at almost 8. That was two liters of liquid that I needed, plus saw the doctor, PLUS saw a dietitian.

Today? Radiation. Saw my doctor. Who said I need fluids EVERY DAY until my next chemo, which is next Tuesday.

Every day.

They had to stick me FIVE TIMES to find a vein for an IV last night. FIVE. FIVE TIMES. So the nurses at Valley want to do a central line or a PIC line. As it is, they stuck me twice and the IV I have at the moment, I have to keep until tomorrow. Just... hangin' out my arm.

I have no veins because I've lost eighty pounds and because of chemo and because I'm bruised all to fuck because of the constant STABBING.

I have five more radiations to do, one more chemo and THAT is going to make me sick as all hell and I JUST. WANT. TO. GET. OFF. THE. MERRY. GO. ROUND.

I got oxycodone last night, the BIG bottle and my radiation oncologist was all, "UM, I told them fentanyl... *scribble scribble*" So I got THOSE patches, too.

Guys? MY MOM had those. Those and some suckers. HOSHIT. If I put those on, it'll be like, "'Kay, Mo, see you next month."

Maybe this isn't a bad thing.


... could I have bitched or felt MORE sorry for myself? Don't answer that. *MEANFACE*

EDITED TO ADD: I post and this comes up: Tweak says, "Get Over It!" My humor is better. Aww, Tweak. ♥ LOL

Over on ONTD on LJ, there was a post talking about classic movies. And this was said:

A survey suggests 58% of men and 38% of women lie about having seen classic films.

They go on to tell how to bluff your way through having not seen:

1) The Godfather
2) Taxi Driver
3) Gone with the Wind
4) It's a Wonderful Life
5) The Great Escape
6) Citizen Kane

WHY!? OMG WHY?! SEE. THESE. MOVIES.

And the COMMENTS. People having not seen these movies say things like, "And I never would. Looks so boring." People hating on The Godfather... I swear, not starting arguments was SO HARD.

Someone commented and said, "Some Like It Hot, North by Northwest, Bringing Up Baby, and The Maltese Falcon are my faves. Oh, and On The Waterfront. (Plus, you know, The Godfather.)"

I wanted to reach through the computer and hug them. :D

scifijunkie is the one.

Of course.

Who else?

Rock on!

No, it's not ALL of them, but banners don't rotate. And still, it's gorg!

Pick one (or two) of my characters and I'll tell you...

→ why I decided to play this character
→ my favorite scene or bit of interaction concerning this character to date
→ my favorite original aspect about this character (world-building for ocs or head-canon for fcs)
→ the last thing they did "off screen"
→ what their last words would be if they died tomorrow
→ what the next thing I'm doing for them is (narrative, post, shelving, whatever)


List [HERE] if you need it. Or, you know, anyone ever.

Yesterday, my mom would have been 61.

Yesterday was the first day I was actually, physically sick to my stomach from the chemo. I mean, sick sick. Not just queasy, not just, "Oh, I hate this feeling" but sick sick. And yeah, I hate THAT feeling, too.

I sat in my recliner all day and watched movies with Cher and Kyle and Jack: Emma, Willow, GI Jane - all movies Mom would have watched. ♥

I miss my Mom.

I'm glad she doesn't get to see/know about MY cancer and at the same time, there are so many days I wanna curl up next to her and cry. Yesterday was one of those days.

So I like this istead: http://shop.crazysexylife.com/products/tshirtcscg

Ya'll know the one. Vampire Zombies. The one RENDA bought and said hey, it scared her even.

But someone had BOUGHT it and I was all, 'OMG WHY?!'

Okay, so... I wore my NANO shirt to radiation the other day and my radiation tech was all, 'What's that?' and I told and then said, 'Yes, I've written a couple, four, books.'

One of them, Jen, went home and GOOGLED IT. And found it on AMAZON.



And BOUGHT IT. Because her husband LIKES zombies. And vampires.

She wants me to autograph it when it comes.

... I need to get that shit offa Amazon, stat.

HEALTH:

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd sit in a doctor's office and get yelled at for twenty minutes about how I needed to STOP losing weight.

I've lost another two and a half pounds over the last week. *shakes head* The nurse had at me first and then the doctor had at me. Ugh. ANYWAY. I can't HELP it. I can't physically eat anything anymore, so I don't know what they expect from me.


GAMES:

UTR: Activity check. Keeping everyone.

WIHH: Same ol', same ol'. OH, except Emily totally updated the WIHH!Wiki to show that Cora & Anakin are dating. It was cute. THEY'RE cute.

Let's Cruise: Ohhhhhh, LC. *sighs* How I'm gonna miss thee. Tsk. Claudia's heading off with Asher. Elle's heading off with Cai (and her thirty mil). Olivia's moving back to NY with Melissa. Yvonne's heading to the Olympics with Cole and then back to NY with him. Margo's gonna just... die. Leia's just going to be dropped, I think. Emma, well, I know she ended up happy with Max, but I don't know if I'm dropping her. And Brad's going with her boys - Jody & Ted. That really leaves Jen, who's only purpose is to aggravate her ex-husband.

I'll keep Yvonne, Emma and maybe Jen. For now. We'll see.

Brighid: ... Brighid really wishes she could just beat the ever-loving crap outta one James Audr. She wishes, just for a short time, that she could be a violent person. He makes her want to scream and throw things. I dunno.


THE FAM:

So the other day, Cher and Jenni went to Forks because they could. And she brought me back a car decal that says, 'Team Rosalie' on it because... well. It was for ME. :D So, it went on the Mo-Stang and I took photos and here they are:




_____________________________


And? It's getting COLD here. Seriously cold. Cher even tried to turn on the heater this morning. Eeesh. They said it was going to SNOW in the mountains, which I live twenty minutes from. Oh, man. It's almost October.

This year just flew.

And kinda sucked.

But? I have cool friends. I'm just saying. ♥ I love you all.

Radiation makes me feel gross on the weekends.

And my mouth tastes funny.

And? I fell asleep last night at like, 730 or 8 o'clock. It was ridic.

(This post brought to you by Bitching By Mo)

IDGAFUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So excited.

Yay!

asd;gasdgj;agj;a;gdjj;k Everyone I have ever loved (and some I don't, but who cares) is in this. :D

From [here]...

PHILADELPHIA - September 16, 2009 (WPVI) -- During Phillies' Tuesday night sellout, a touching family moment turned into comic relief and a video that is drawing national attention.

A toddler from Laurel Springs, New Jersey, stole the hearts of baseball fans Tuesday night during the Phillies-Nationals game at Citizens Bank Park.

Phillies outfielder Jayson Werth was at bat when he hit a foul ball into the crowd behind home plate.

Steve Monforto leaned over the railing and made a beautiful 2-handed catch. He celebrates with other fans, high-fives his 3-year-old daughter, Emily, and hands his prize over to his little daughter to keep.

But instead of hanging on to it, Emily does what little kids do: She throws the ball back!

Her dad was shocked, he definitely wasn't expecting that. But instead of getting mad he wraps his arms around his daughter and hugs her, a sweet and priceless moment.

Apparently the girl was a little upset after the toss.

"I gave her a big hug and she buried her head in my chest and I said 'It's all right, don't worry about it," Steve said.

"I give [her] a ball at home, and she throws it and I throw it back," Steve continued. "So, I gave her a ball and she threw it!"

Mom watched it all unfold.

"I was just like, 'That's awesome' because he caught it, he was so excited," Kathleen Monforto said. "That's so cute, he's going to give it to Emily, she's going to love it... And she just tossed it!"

Kathleen says she tears up watching the reruns of that moment, which she says show what a great dad Steve is.

The Monfortos have another daughter, 15-month old Cecilia. Some are wondering if this one special moment at the ballpark might show to the world a different side to Philadelphia sports fans.

Meanwhile, the Phillies replaced the Monforto's ball right away.
____________________________


The video is so cute. Everyone gasps so she turns to her dad and he hugs her. It's SO adorable.

ON FIRE.

That is all.

Ask me about a pairing/moresome I have written and I will give you five facts about them or a ficlet or a song that is CLEARLY THEIR SONG or what they order from the Chinese place down the street, etc. (if you can specify what you'd like to know, that'd be great).