It's not Obsession

... it's Dedication

June 10th, 2009

[Surgery] Nothing witty to say here

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So, tomorrow/today is my surgery.

Not gonna lie. Kinda nervous. And don't say, "Nothing to be nervous about, you'll be fine" because I KNOW that. I know I'm going to be fine and I'm even at the point where it's like, "I probably don't even have cancer, it's probably just a funky ulcer that just won't go away and it doesn't HAVE to be indicative of anything else" but still.

Part of it is because my mom isn't here. This is the first thing that's been seriously wrong with any of us since mom died and... well, she's just not here and it's scary. I don't know. Just, mom's make everything better. *shrugs* Call me a fatass weenie if you have to, but that's the way it is.

Per my doctor's request, I had a will made up. THAT was a reality check and probably the reason I'm all kinds of weird about it now. "Blah blah, use my stuff to pay off my debts, blah blah, everything goes to Kyle and my executor in trust and Cher's executor and the boss of Kyle and if she can't then Lani is, The End."

Just your basic stuff. All notarized and made official. Just... scary. It's all real and I'm all grown up and a single mom and ALONE.

I'm alone.

June 7th, 2009

[Real Life] It's been a long couple of... weeks? Months? I don't even know anymore.

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Mostly complaining, somewhat graphic description of pain & causes )

So, on Wednesday, I'm having surgery. A biopsy. The ENT I saw on June 1st wanted to do surgery on June 2nd but was afraid he couldn't get approval from the insurance in time. So, on Wednesday, I know they're going to biopsy my tongue and check down my throat to see what lesions and lumps are in the way there. About the lump in my neck, I don't know if they're going to go through my throat or through the outside of my neck, but I think they're going to check that out, too.

Having someone say, "I'm concerned you have tongue cancer" is pretty frightening. But, you know, after everything else and with my sister and the friends I have and the people I know?

I'm going to be okay. I will.

Pray for me.

March 12th, 2008

[QUOTES] There are some defeats more triumphant than victories

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This would be one of them.
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